On being fine

 

Sometimes, I, just like a lot of other people, feel sad. Nothing amazing, right? I mean, everyone feels down once in a while.  

But the peculiar thing about this sadness is that many people chastise themselves when it descends, calling themselves ungrateful and soft and a host of other things. And I’ve talked a number of my friends out of bad spots quite a few times and I’ve noticed a trend. People never really want to associate themselves with sadness. It’s always “no big deal,” or it’s “just one of those things,” until suddenly, someone who less than a few minutes ago was ranting their heads off is “okay.” This exists particularly amongst people who have been holding in emotions – Keeping quiet over the grief of the loss of a loved one, remaining silent about a break-up or convincing themselves that the trauma they went through was insignificant (even though the bags under their eyes, the constant depression and the diminished physiological health says otherwise) and choosing to keep quiet about trauma. 

And it’s not in any way healthy.  

We need to learn to talk more.  

We need to be brave enough to face our feelings. 

Because the greatest sign of weakness is not tears or pain or frustration. 

It is the suppression of emotions. Because it represents a form of weakness that is characterized by a blatant fear of acknowledging facts for what they are.

Yes I'm looking at you. No, not the person behind you. Yes, you. 

We need to talk (PUN INTENDED).

We’ve devised an incredibly watertight way of calling for help, even when our conscious minds don’t want us to. Sadness has evolved with us as a call for help – We cry so that the people around us realize that we’re in distress and sympathize with us and we gravitate towards things and people that are sad as a part of this system. As the social creatures we are, we crave communal emotional fulfillment, and of course, that has its downsides and I’ll definitely complain about them someday, but the bottom line is that it’s really important that we allow ourselves to go through all of it – The crying, the rage and the talking. In not allowing yourself to go through the entire process, you deny not only yourself of the benefit of emotional stability, but also your loved ones of the fulfillment they get from seeing you ride through the waves. 

The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend in the dead of the night – The subject of which isn’t important – and like the self-proclaimed therapist I am, I told him that repressing feelings is “like having your kidneys do all the work of processing urea and a bunch of other waste products only for you to choose not to dispose of it. Your brain goes through the most processing and experiencing things. The last step is literally to dispose of them because your brain is done with them. And when you don’t, your brain thinks ‘Hey, let’s process this all over again since clearly we’re not done with it’. And telling yourself you can deal with it alone is as good as saying ‘I dispose of my urine by drinking it’. It’s gross and probably unhealthy."

The point, behind all this rambling and the shady biology and the even shadier psychology is that one ought to allow themselves to be “not fine.” Being sad doesn’t make you weak. Being sad doesn’t make you soft, or ungrateful or any of the other nonsense you’ve been conditioned to think. 

You can afford to miss out on the 'Oh look at me, I don't cry because I'm strong and I can take it' bandwagon. Your sadness is your body telling you something is wrong. 

Listen to it.

Tell someone about what you’re going through. Aside from the fact that there’s probably someone out there going through the same thing as you are, the benefit of having someone who has a remote understanding of your circumstances is unmatched.   

Sincerely,  

Muku 😀

PS: Zimbabwe Suicide Hotlines

Samaritans - Bulawayo 

Hotline: (9) 650 00

24 Hour service

Harare Samaritans 

Hotline: (4) 726 468 - (4) 722 000

Hotline: Toll-free: 080 12 333 333

The Samaritans 

MUTARE

Hotline: (20) 635 59

Photo by Finn on Unsplash